A Lesson on Self Love

When was the last time you heard the words “I love you”?

Did your spouse tell you on the way out the door?  Did your child tell you as you dropped them off at the school bus? Did your mom tell you as you hung up the phone?

These three words evoke so much each and every time we hear them, as well as each time we don’t hear them.

Just a quick question for you, when was the last time you told yourself these three little words?

Have you ever looked yourself in the eyes and said I LOVE YOU and actually meant it? Or have you just done it as a silly, “someone told me” to exercise? Are these three words you have never even muttered to yourself?

As someone who has dealt with many years of self loathing and self criticism, this one was hard for me to bring in to practice with conviction. Let me tell you though, saying these words to myself and meaning them, is the most amazing thing I have ever done for myself.

The Buddha says this:

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”

I honestly believe that you above anyone else in the universe deserves your love and affection, not in a self centered “I am the best” kind of way, but in a loving who-else-could-possibly-love-you-more kind of way.

When we deny ourselves the ultimate expression of self love, we leave some form of a barrier up that no one will ever be able to traverse to reach our pure heart and a hole that no one else will ever fully be able to fill.

The search for “true love” and “soul mates” often begins with that emptiness or a feeling of lack because we are looking for someone else to fill that void for us.

But what if I told you that self love fills the void and makes us a whole, loving person who ATTRACTS other whole and loving people?

Instead of sentiment of “you complete me,” which is honestly not a healthy form of relationship, we can become a whole, happy, loving being on our terms, immediately.  No more waiting on finding our “other half.”

The more we send this loving feeling inward, the more it beams out of us like a beacon to others who are whole, happy and loving.

The moment we love ourselves unconditionally, is the moment we no longer NEED outward love, which is usually the moment that type of love finds us.

From there, two whole and happy beings can create a life together of their own creation, rather than a life built on a foundation of lack. The foundation of lack is like trying to fit together two pieces of different puzzles, never quite matching up even if the pieces are a “perfect” fit.

I’ll be honest with you my dear friend, I am falling in love with myself right now.  I have spent too many years seeking the outward, void-filling kind of love that requires me to wait on another person.

I have felt and created heartbreak trying to put the mismatching puzzles together. I have felt broken and lacking in some way.  But this new feeling, this leading my life from an inward focus of love, this is something I get to choose for myself.

I don’t have to wait on Prince Charming to show up and sweep me off my feet on a white horse.  Loving myself gives me the ability to ride off into the sunset on my own horse, Charming can catch up when he loves himself, before then, we just won’t fit.

Especially for women, but for many men as well, this waiting game can be long and extremely hard to be patient with.  Instead of focusing on where he (or she) is, spend and enjoy the time dating YOU.  And falling in love with YOU.

Redefine this time period. The longer this time, the longer you get to grow into the strong, independent, happy, loving being you really are meant to be, and the less likely you will be to settle for whoever you think you deserve.

Fun fact, you deserve nothing short of 100% love, devotion, support and happiness.  You deserve the world.

I know there may be some evil little voices telling you all the reason you aren’t enough or aren’t worthy or don’t deserve, but my lovely, that just means there is more space for you to love YOU!

Smother that voice with loving words. Stand up and say it to yourself in the mirror. Scream it off a rooftop, do whatever you need to do to show yourself you mean business! (I’m also a personal fan of writing on post its and on mirrors)





The more you smother that angry voice, the quieter it will become. The quieter it becomes, the more love you will send yourself and send to others, and the more you will attract to yourself.

The loving person is out there for you somewhere, but until you both do your work, your foundation will never withstand the test of time.

Be patient with yourself. As with any practice, this takes time, but oh how worth it the practice will be! So have fun, enjoy and love with out abandon!

Much love to you!


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